What are you looking forward to?
What keeps you going?
I love just being able to wake up and be alive now. That is what keeps me going. One day I woke up and I was 38 years old. I wonder to myself often, “how did I ever even get here”? It happened so fast and along with this age of 38 thing, I immediately have the feeling that I am 40. No matter what I do, I feel like I am 40. I just keep hearing and wanting to say that I am 40. Weird! Especially for someone who never ever ever wants to remember her age. I do, as often as possible, everything in my power to forget it. I wonder what this is about? It’s like I have until 40 to live or until 40 to somehow get my act together and figure all of this out. Or, maybe I have until 40 to reach my crazy, wild and ambitious goals. Yea, I’ll go with that one. It feels like when I am 40, maybe just maybe, that is when my big breakthrough will come through and I’ll be able to manage it much better this time. Perhaps, I’ll be better this go round. Perhaps, I’ll make better decisions. I have spent since 2020, and especially this year – 2022, learning and absorbing so much information that I think my brain is about to explode. I’ve never consumed so much information in my life all at once - ever. So, what am I looking forward to? I am looking forward to seeing the other side of this current space and the freedom that my mind will have once I have implemented these thoughts, ideas and writings into action – consistent action. I am looking forward to traveling the world and calling my daughters up to meet me in certain cities, flying them and my mom and perhaps other family members and loved ones in, to come and see me at my shows. I am excited about moving pass the stifling fear of showing up, playing my guitar and being the bad ass that I am, and my new home in a beautiful place somewhere, many places, actually, around the world. I am actually just really honestly looking forward to a peace of mind. My daughters are headed to college in just a few days and I feel like I can only focus, literally, on one millisecond, at a time. I look forward to seeing them through their successful transition off and to their dream college, dropping off and helping them to unpack their boxes in their dorms. I am ready to see them to and through this new transition. I am going to see it through. I am ready and looking forward to dropping them off and then arriving shortly after into my new home with complete solitude so that maybe I could just take a moment and let out a big sigh and cry, saying to myself, “Wow, you did it, kiddo. You did it.” This all happened so fast, so I am just looking forward to a miracle that shows me that all of my hard work over all of these years has finally paid off as I’ve given this life to this very moment every single bit of me and every single thing that I have. I have served and continue to serve so now I am looking forward to taking rest, finding a clear peace of mind, sovereignty and a pat on the back that I give to myself for a job well done.
So, yea, what keeps me going is the ability to take another breath, to see my children alive and well and to be able to give back to the youth that I serve and someone less fortunate than me. No matter what, no matter how I feel, no matter how low, I am blessed with resources, people, things, and places and knowing how to get them. Maybe, not always in the ways that I desire, but definitely knowing how to make things happen even if it is not quite where I want to be or what I’ve imagined. What keeps me going is this dream that I have to share my music with every corner of the world and to be the biggest star you have ever known and did see. And, now to become the wealthiest one to add to that. The wealthiest, healthiest, and happiest one.
July 27, 2022 | 6:30PM EST | Written by RIMIDI