September is pretty much over, I know.
I ain't even going to lie. This month was uber stimulating and overwhelming. Nothing that I couldn't handle but the amount of breakdowns I had this month, I cannot begin to count them on both hands.
When it is time for you to move; however, according to God's will you must wait even when you know that there is a move in store so much that you can feel it, man, oh man!
Doors closing, the doors you want to close still open, the people, places and things that you are over, the noise of the internet and the news, the noise of the people telling you what you should do next because they know better than you, the silence of those once in your corner, the silence of those in your corner but doing everything in their power to also stay afloat and in stable mind, the thoughts that try to overcome the good ones, the old behaviors sneaking up to make a reappearance, the new you giving yourself grace while simultaneously pushing you towards change, the missing of an old love that you know is no good for you because you know that you deserve better, knowing that in general you deserve better, no longer okay with settling, becoming okay with wanting better and wanting more, no longer looking back, and if you do look back it is only for a little while to remember, a reminder to keeping looking ahead and in forward movement, the evil and awful people of this world, in our government and even in our places of work and in our communities, the power struggle, the noise, the noise, the noise…
I struggled to block it out this month.
I had to take a moment to really check in with myself like, "Hold on now… what is going on here”? This is not like you. Or, maybe it is like you. The old you. We no longer do that here. Get it together. Get it together - now! Yet, at the same time, loving on myself, accepting myself where I was in that moment even though, at any given moment, I hated it.
I was over the experience. I was over the noise. I was over the blocks. I was over the mind. I was over the self imposed limitations. I. was. o. ver. it.
I wanted change and I wanted change fast. Every door I attempted to open was being blocked and every door I wanted to close clinged tighter. God, wtf??!
The old me is hanging on to this existence with her dear life.
Ion blame her because ion wanna die either.
Can anybody relate?
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I had not ever felt so blurry in my thoughts, so cloudy in my mind while also having a very clear vision. Does that even make sense? Well, it does to me. It's my mind. I was there experiencing the oxymoron of it. I was here experiencing it from the outside looking in and from the inside looking out. It was a weird complex. I just knew that whatever God was doing here, I was not overstanding, not even a little bit. Still, I trusted the process even though I was beginning to hate every minute. The feeling of feeling trapped. The feeling of Groundhog's Day. The feeling of disrespect. The feeling of being in places and in environments that you know longer want to be in. The feeling of feeling that everyone around you is bat shit crazy. The feeling that everyone around you thinks that YOU are bat shit crazy. The feeling of being an anomaly in a world full of people who seem to follow the group thought. The feeling of being a freethinker and feeling alone and ostracized for feeling and being this way and thinking and seeing things differently. The feeling of love and love all around. The feeling of witnessing the hate within so many. The feeling of compassion while at the same time the feeling of boundaries and of no nonsense. The feeling of having a difficult time conforming. The feeling of seeing directly through people's bullshit and surprised that you are the only one who sees it for what it is and/or are brave enough to call it out. The feeling of seeing people's darkest sides when they think that they can hide it from you not knowing or even actually knowing that you have a gift of foresight and the gift of being a psychic. The feeling of discernment and knowing when to be quiet and when to say less. The feeling of not wanting to reveal gifts while also wanting and deciding to share them. The feeling of fear. The feeling of feeling stuck. The feeling of failure. The feeling of winning. The feeling of clarity. The feeling of resistance. The feeling of a possible war. The feeling of being a public school World History teacher and teaching lies or rather, one man's perspective. The feeling of that being a contradiction to your being. The feeling of being a World History teacher and seeing the signs of war in modern day from your teachings of the past. The feeling of no one listening or being heard. The feeling of discipline. The feeling of grace. The feeling of a war inside. The feeling of not feeling valued but finally valuing oneself and thus not giving a fuck whether or not others can see your value. The feeling of creation and creating your own. The feeling of somewhere new. The feeling of home. The feeling of wondering where home truly is. The feeling.
I felt a lot more than that. That was just some of it.
How is it possible to feel all of that and more? Well, it is. That was my September.
It is very possible to feel more than one feeling at once and they all be true even while being contrary in nature.
I won't go any deeper than that in this very moment although, trust me, I can.
I don't know, really, how deep you truly you want to go seeing so many in this world want to stay surface level. So many of us want to cling onto what we have been force fed down our throats because God forbid you learn anything new shattering your old belief system. God forbid you use a guiding system other than logic and/or in kahoot with it. God forbid you use your own mind and guiding system. God no! Let's not do that. It would definitely shatter and destroy your entire world. We must not do that.
However, I digress.
Because, I know that I am not talking to you, right? You're my people. My people come in different shades and colors; yet still, I know my people. I can recognize them. How? I am able to recognize them by their ability to stand for and to call in truth.
The freethinker. The innovator. The creative.
The sovereign.
The ones who truly know who they are.
Who we are.
The Gods and Goddesses.
I have held in my words or conformed or even silenced my words for the sake of another for so long. Mostly fear. External and internal. However, if I know God like I know that I know God, that is blasphemy - me not being me and who I came here to be. I have made myself fit into places and spaces where I did not belong nor was I welcomed, spaces where I was made uncomfortable in order to convince me to leave, or where I was tolerated or where others benefited from what I brought to the table yet had nothing but crumbs or nothing at all to give. I have sat in rooms and poured into establishments and organizations where they would take everything I gave due to my ignorance and an over-giving heart, lack boundaries and sense of value giving to me nothing while building even stronger as a result of my presence and contributions. I have shared spaces where my voice and thoughts were not allowed as it intimidated or made others fearful as it was contrary to who they were or their beliefs, causing fear or rather, discomfort for them. I have constantly molded myself to fit the mold, to fit in, dimming my light in order for another to find solace within themselves while I struggled within for hiding, holding back to be fully accepted, killing parts of me.
Well, no more.
I say no.
You know me as RIMIDI but I know me by my name given to me at birth.
And, who I choose to call me by name is my business. Family business.
Even better, I know me by my spirit - a brave and mighty bold one. There is no more pretending. I am as real as you are going to get. Not that I ever was pretending but I have definitely put on for the “gram” or at least for validation. Something I no longer can do.
Now - my focus is on land, wealth, good health, loved ones, a private life, a small circle, grand, holy and aligned experiences, overflow, resources - how to use and maintain them, amazing and safe environments, good and genuine people, healthy interactions, and, oh yes, freedom.
If you speak my language, then you are my people.
After noticing in the month of September that my focused had veered off a bit, I had to make a conscious decision to refocus back onto my plan versus that of other people's plans for my life and/or for other people plan's for theirs that included the harvesting of my energy.
Voluntarily.
To hell with that.
I am on God's time.
Now - I am learning to say and the wonders of the word NO.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
… and…
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
… to me!
Well… to God!
We've had some very powerful movements in the cosmos these last couple of months and weeks. With the recent eclipse and a super full harvest moon in Aries just around the corner on Monday, October 6th @ 11:48pm EST, it is time to reclaim all of our power back.
Aries is all about me, me, me, me.
Get back to you.
The real you.
The one that you forgot about after all of the noise and after who everyone told you had to be and who you are. You forgot but your soul has not. God still knows.
Let's reclaim our power back.
If you don't want to reclaim yours, that's cool.
My people perish due to a lack of knowledge and their desire and ignorance to remain ignorant. Stay ignorant and get left behind. That is the rapture.
I don't know any other way to explain it. Some will remain in hell on earth while others will ascend into a new world. And, it all has to do with where you are focusing your mind. The pointing tool.
Seek God for yourself. No middle man required. That is actually what Jesus and others like him came to teach (whether you believe him to be true or in theory). Jesus was not the only teacher or son, contrary to what the orthodox christian church has taught and brainwashed you to believe.
If you want to dive deeper, start with the Council of Nicea and maybe even the timeline of the different empires dating back as far as the Roman Empire and what governed them. Many empires overlapped.
I am not here to teach or preach to you today, though.
Can we all simply just get along and allow people to have their different perspectives, live in peace, harming no one nor themselves? Can we stop forcing one perspective down everyone's throat as if it is the only way? Even in education, there are more than one style of learning and more than one way to skin a cat.
Some of us believe ourselves to be indeed who we are yet you don't see us condemning anyone for believing that their God is a white man with blue eyes.
Again, I digress.
I am reclaiming my power and without fighting with anyone to get it. I have had enough.
I am enough.
May the peaceful revolution begin.